GUESS WHO’S BACK!
YES, IT’S ME!
So, it’s been about a month since my last post. I do apologise for that, but I’ve had a heck load of revision and everything going on, but the exam is over! I’ve officially finished my second year at uni! Exciting stuff!
I don’t find out whether I’ve passed or not until July 19th, so it’s a bit of a wait, but fingers crossed I’ve at least scraped a pass. It was both horrible and not as bad I was expecting at the same time. I got to the point where revision wanted to make me cry, so I gave up and accepted my fate. I’m not entirely sure I answered the questions properly, which is one of the main things they tell you to do – answer the set question! Instead I kind of dumped everything I could remember into a kind-of-structured answer… Oh well. It’s all over now!
Starting October, I’ll be doing A230 – Reading and Studying Literature, and I’m both stoked and nervous. We have eleven set books, and some (see: most) of them I’ve never even heard of, but it’ll be great to get into the stuff I want to be doing instead of topics I couldn’t care less about.
But until then I have four months off! Aside from reading the books, which I’m hoping to get through before October, I have plenty of time to relax and write for fun!
Something that came up in the exam was writing dialogue and we had to include subtext and make an interesting conversation about making plans. It was awful, An awful topic, an awfully short time to write it in… I just thought it was awful. But subtext was something my tutor said I was lacking in my Creative Writing assignment, so for today’s post, I thought I’d try some subtext. It’s not a conversation, but I’ve tried to pile on the subtext. I’m not sure if I got it right, but I enjoyed writing this, even if it is really depressing.
I hope this is a good post to wean my way back into writing!
“Uh, hey. I’m glad you’re not in. That makes this easier to do. I know it’s been a few months but there’s a good explanation for that. I don’t know what that explanation is, but I’m sure there is one.” There was a pause, followed by a small, sad laugh. “I’m sorry, okay? I know sorry doesn’t make everything better, I know sorry won’t fix everything and bring us back together but, y’know… I don’t know what else to say. So, I’m sorry. I can’t come back. You know that as well as I do. What happened is final, and there’s no coming back from what I did, but I just want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I’m sorry, and none of it is your fault.
“The thing is, I don’t know why I did it. I just saw an out and I took it. I could see the way I was treating you, the way I was treating everybody. It was like I didn’t care, like you didn’t matter to me. But truth be told, you did. You do. You all do. And I think that’s why, in the end. I think that’s why I had to do it. Not to save myself, but to save you. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but there’s only so much one person can take, you know? And I know I was stretching everyone’s patience, and I know I was being wholly unfair. But I’m selfish. I always have been.
“I want to know about your life now, though. Are you happy? I hope you’re happy. I still remember that dopey smile you used to give me when I made you laugh or made your favourite breakfast. I hope you were happy with me, at least in the beginning. But that doesn’t matter anymore, does it? I want you to come see me, sometimes. Give me all the details. I’m a great listener. I hope you’re happy. Have I already said that? It’s true, regardless. I think about you sometimes, you know, happy. That smile and the way you would smack my arm when you laughed so hard tears sprang to your eyes.
“Oh, shit, my time’s running out. Uh, I guess this is goodbye, then. I don’t expect you to come see me, by the way. But it would be nice. One last hoorah for old time’s sake? You probably want nothing less. But the offer’s there. You know where I’ll be.
“Oh wait, I forgot to—”
The phone line went dead.
The phone line always goes dead. She never finishes her sentence.
That was the last time I heard her voice.
The setting sun was the only indication of how long I had been sat there, in our own world.
I glanced around, taking in all the other stones, some new, most worn by time, before turning to hers, only a year old.
“Hi, mum,” I said softly, touching the grave. “It’s been too long.”
I’m not sure if this is more foreshadowing than subtext, but I tried!
I’m hoping to update more now that I have the time, but you know what I’m like!
Until next time!